glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
