I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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