if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
