wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i have herpe
just one?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
be right there i have to get my cape
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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