he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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