I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I party with great urgency now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
