It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
