HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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