never play flip cup with pint glasses
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
