so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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