But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
