Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
