That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The struggles of a small town man whore
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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