I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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