You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
