During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just had sex bonerless
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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