I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
