She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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