Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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