oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
