So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
