i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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