someone threw a dead crab at me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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