Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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