alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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