Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
