she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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