i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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