"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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