if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so much tequila, so little girl.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
