My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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