dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
