She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
