(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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