You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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