who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
