If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
