Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
