I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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