I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
