when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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