dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize