Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
