A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His hands were made for my vagina.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
