The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
