i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
