I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
