I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
