It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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