You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
