Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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