There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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