I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
