man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
