he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
