wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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