Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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