wanna go halves on a baby?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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