too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
