so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize