her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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