I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
