Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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