I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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