I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
