I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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