Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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