its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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