If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
