Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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