tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
