Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize