Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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