Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
