bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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