The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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