those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
