planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize