Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
