I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
