I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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