We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
