I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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