Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
